Poem – ‘Overpowering Emotion’ by groovyscone FEEDBACK PLEASE! =)

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‘Overpowering Emotion’ by groovyscone, kindly rate and comment =)

If I wheedled a seventeenth century renaissance mace?

 

Would you get a private detective on the case?

 

If I gave you a seventy foot long red liquorice bootlace,

 

And presented it to you in an elaborate fancy seventy foot long purple case,

 

With such enthusiasm, good nature, flamboyance and pleasant grace,

 

And serenaded you with a 1000 Decibel, sub woofer, super speaker with double bass,

 

Would your soul flow with overpowering emotion,

 

So real and so true and as huge as the ocean?

 

Would you feel love and passion like a shot by injection?

 

Or just call somebody to arrange to have me sectioned?  

 

 

Peace and mucho mucho mucho gracias,

Jah Protect

Scone

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16 thoughts on “Poem – ‘Overpowering Emotion’ by groovyscone FEEDBACK PLEASE! =)

  1. groovyscone says:

    thanks for your book dude, it looks amazing, ive read a couple of pages but i dont wanna do my eyes in, think i will get an e reader thing this week or next, thanks dude, really apprecsh ;¬)

    Peace

  2. ~Lady Day says:

    hey love, came by to say hello. Keep on writing. Peace & love xo

    • groovyscone says:

      Hello =)

      I will thanks so much for the encouragement, Ive just glanced your seperate blog for your story I’m looking forward to reading that, thanks again =)

      Peace, Love, Harmony, Bliss, Enlightenment,

      Scone =)

  3. Kira says:

    I think you did a good job with this. Just remember, there is more you can do besides rhyming poems, do some research for different styles. Even if you never use them, just learning the different ways you can express yourself will give you ideas for ever greater expression in your writing.
    Best Wishes,
    Kira

    • groovyscone says:

      Thankyou Kira, I appreciate that, I do plan on writing a novel which will be my main project shortly, when I actually start it. My poetry is something I haven’t done much before apart from writing lyrics when I was a 15 year old in a rock band, which always evolved around rhyming, which i predisposed to use at the moment, but I will attempt other style’s very soon. Thanks again for the advice, more ever evolving poetry to follow, peace and love scone =)

      • Kira says:

        Song lyrics are a great method of self expression and now you mentioned it, I can see the influence. I wasn’t saying you shouldn’t rhyme, I was just suggesting you keep yourself open to other ways of writing. I say this because I made that mistake for years… before the internet was available to the public, true, but looking back I wished I had tried out different styles of writing, not just poetry, but short stories and novels too.
        I hope I’m not coming across as a know it all.. I’m not by a long shot!

        Keep up the great work!
        Kira

      • groovyscone says:

        No of course not, appreciate it, thankyou, would appreciate any comments you may have on my new post, the start to my novel, keep it groovy, scone

  4. Andrew Brobyn says:

    I’ve read your three poems through and would suggest by way of critique that you edit them a bit to make them a bit smoother sounding. The content is great but I feel like you may be trying to fit too many syllables and or words into each line, either drop a few unnecessary words or cut to a new line and fill in the space. They just don’t roll off the tongue as naturally as they should. Keep it up though and develop your talents, genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration (editing).

  5. Spidee FI says:

    Niiiice …. I liked this one….

    • groovyscone says:

      Excellent dude =) Glad to hear it, you may find my other poetry up your street as well perhaps, kindly follow me for more creative rocks and diamonds ;¬)

      Jah Bless

  6. rich, gorgeous language. Perfectly executed! 🙂

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